The Next Step to Peace

It has been a while since my last blog. With everything going on in the world I felt the need to give everyone a break from my world.

I wanted to share with everyone some news. When our Kenzie died we were so confused. Alot of people were. Yes, 3 weeks prior she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. And that was a shock to us because we do not have it in our family. Kenzie was so upset when she found out her life would be different. Her first question once she was coherent enough was, “Does this mean I can’t be in the military?!”. But her Auntie, who is an Airforce Captain, assured her it would be fine. And she had hope.

The next few weeks we worked very hard to get her insulin levels right. And we did. Her numbers were great. We checked her ketones, her blood sugar and her temperature 3 times a day and then at 2 am in the morning. But we had noticed she developed a cough in the hospital. The doctors told us this was normal for what she had gone through with her diabetic ketoacidosis that she went through and that she would recover. So we trusted that.

The day before she died she wanted to go back to school to see her friends and her strong little self did just that. She was so tired after that we told her, “How about you stay home and rest tomorrow?”. She woke up the next morning so sweet. Came out and gave us a big hug and said good morning. Minutes later, as I was about to take her little brother to school, it happened. I wont go into detail because that is our burden to bare. But it was horrible. Her cause of death was acute hemorrhagic necrotizing pneumonia.

Like I said. We were so confused. So many questions. I wanted to blame every single doctor. I wanted to blame myself. I’m sure others wanted to blame me too. So we hired an attorney. He hired a doctor completely unrelated to the case to review her records.

The result was, “No case.”. There were so many mixed emotions hearing that. I wanted to blame someone so bad. Even if it was me. The doctor said with tears in her eyes, “This isn’t what usually happens.”. She gave us statistics… told us what happened to Kenzie was a very low probability…

But then a peace came over me. I no longer had to be angry with anyone on this earth. Everyone tried their hardest to save my baby. I know that now. My only question was, “Do the doctors know?”. And they do. So my next prayer is that they take the next step.

We can all have hope. Please have hope. I see so many hopeless posts these days and I just want to shake people sometimes. Everyone wants to focus on what is going on in 2020 but my world died in 2019 and 2020 seems like nothing. Love on your loved ones. Stop letting politics divide. It is really not worth it. Tomorrow is never promised. Cherish what you have today.

With all that being said. I have peace. I can move on to my next step of healing. I can take it up with God. Who understands my anger. I can say to him, “I know she was yours to begin with.”. I can thank him for letting me have her for almost 12 years. I can thank him for bringing so many special people into our lives because of this tragedy.  I can have hope that there is a reason.