A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

“Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
The dream that you wish will come true”

If you know Disney at all you know this song is from Cinderella. I used to sing this to my Kenzie when she was a baby while I put her to sleep. This special song has a new meaning to me.

Dreams are crazy. Sometimes you know they are dreams. Sometimes you don’t. There are so many theories on dreams, scientific and spiritual.

Last night I had a dream about my girl. I have had dreams about her before but they were the scary ones, the sad ones… her in the hospital or reliving “that morning”. But this one was so different.

My sister and I were picking Bremner up from school together and the office lady said, “What about Mackenzie? Are you picking her up too?” I was so confused. “She said, “she is sleeping at her desk.” Meg and I immediately ran to her class and sure enough she was practically drooling on her desk the way she always slept. I said, “Mackenzie we are here baby! Wake up, it’s time to go home!” She sat up blinked open her eyes and smiled so pretty and said, “Hi, Mommy and Auntie!” She was so excited to see us. I immediately grabbed her and hugged her. I felt her warmth in my arms. I kissed her head and smelled her hair. Was it really her? How could this be?! We started driving home to tell Kenny. I immediately called her Dad to tell him because I was pretty good at keeping him updated when it came to things with her. He couldn’t believe it. Which did make me question it a bit… My mind started racing. It felt so real… it had to be real. I changed route and decided I would take her to the hospital. I had to figure out how to keep her. I started thinking about how we saw her pass, how her ashes were in my living room. How could this be? Maybe those weren’t her ashes? Maybe she was just asleep? On the way to the hospital we had so much fun laughing and giggling, taking silly selfies with dog filters and cracking up. It was so real and so special. Well then we got to the hospital and I woke up.

When I woke up I laid in bed for a bit, first sad about the fact it was a dream but then I started thinking about, wow what a blessing that she gave me that beautiful dream. That she came to see me and for once my mind didn’t turn it into a sad, scary dream but a happy dream, filled with laughter and silliness and warm hugs. How I wish I could’ve just stayed in that dream forever instead of reality crashing down on me, again. It taught me a very valuable lesson though. I know now next time I see her in my dreams I will know it is a dream but I will embrace it. I will laugh even more, hug even more. Talk even more. Kiss her head even more.

Like the song says, “If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true”. Well I know in reality that is not possible. My wish is for my girl to be here. But maybe what I was supposed to learn is that, that dream was my dream coming true. Even though it was brief I got that time with her again. I got to love on her again and hear her laugh again. That’s all I can wish for anymore these days. I’m going to welcome her into my dreams with open arms now. Knowing that it is her, she is here, just not in this world. But she is still checking up on us and watching out for us. Maybe I have finally healed enough to see her as the Kenzie I knew before this nightmare happened and I am so thankful for that.

Mommy loves you my sweet Kenzie. Thank you so much for that beautiful dream and please come see me as often as you like. ❤😇