I Call This “Quarantine Healing”.

Hey friends and family and whoever else wants to read this! I decided being stuck in the house was the perfect time to start a blog. Journaling was helping somewhat but I had such an outpouring of love when Mackenzie died that I wanted to share this journey with anyone who might want to listen. The blog will probably always be evolving but this was on my heart to post today.

During this quarantine it has really forced my little family to face the fact that our Mackenzie has died. I long with my whole heart to hear her and Bremner play and to cuddle up with BOTH my babies (one under each arm) as we binge watch ALL the shows. To work through homeschooling with them, to hear her play her flute… Even though this is a hard time for everyone, please remember this. I only wish I got to be in quarantine with my girl. There are so many conversations we would’ve gotten to have. So many walks to go on. So much nature to discover. So many crafts to do. My sweet Bremner would have a playmate. Someone to laugh with, fight with, make forts with… I could tuck both my babies in at night and know they were safe. I wish I could stop imagining the entire scary, heartbreaking month of November. I wish so many things during this time of no outside distractions. Just us 4 again is all I long for. On this long journey of trying to heal I picked up a book my mom found that I’m sure unless you lost a baby, most people would not pick up. It is a survival guide for a mourning mother. My mom and I began reading it together and I appreciate it so much because she always tells me it gives her an insight to the my suffering. Since most people don’t understand and I pray most people won’t I wanted to say please,
1. Try not to complain about your kids too much during this time. Have patience. This is a crazy time for them too.
2. If someone has lost a loved one do not ask, “what happened?” or “was it diabetes?” or “maybe it was the virus?”. Chances are we have already gone through these questions every other thought. If you have asked me this, I am not mad or upset. It is a natural question. But it still hurts even though that is not your intention. It takes alot to verbalize “what happend?”  so let them come to you with that information.
3. And last be kind to everyone. Everyone is scared. No one wants to get sick or worse… lose someone they love. Give people their space in the grocery store, dont take ALL the supplies, smile and say hi to people… little things like that go a long way right now.

I love you all and I am finally in a better place with God so please know I am praying for all of us 💗